Dec 9, 2013

Things I can learn about taxes from a Newborn child: Part #2

frowning pictures
“I’m not opposed to new people, I just don’t like their packaging (diapers).” 
― Jarod Kintz, 
As I'm typing this blog post, it is Monday 5:30 a.m.. I just changed my two-week old daughter's diaper at 4:15 a.m. I can understand why she feels that I must drop everything to cater to her needs. She can't help herself so I must help her. What got me mad while I was changing her diaper was not the time of day. I was mad that a potential client called me on Sunday afternoon requesting a conference call due to an "emergency!" I woke up the next day mad that someone would call me with such foolishness. I avoided the person call on Saturday but then the person called again on Sunday. In addition, the person didn't tell me the details on the voice mail. Just in case you're wondering how this person had my cell number, we had previous meetings.
Let me be clear, tax accountants are great but we are not policemen, firemen or doctors. There is no such thing as a "tax emergency" that needs to be handle on a Sunday afternoon. The nerve of any potential or current client stalking you on the weekend. Especially, if you haven't even talk about money. Now, if Bill Gates called me on a Sunday afternoon, I will be on the next flight out to the west coast during a snow storm.
I must admit that I'm a sucker for calling back the person. However, the person really thought that I was a big sucker talking about "emergency." I told him that I'm not in the right state of mind to talk business. I was in my sweat pants enjoying the company of my growing family. My advice to taxpayers is to "grow the hell up!" The world doesn't revolve around you (unless you paying me "drop everything" money). Stop acting like a damn baby! My advice to tax professionals is that don't treat your clients like newborn babies. Don't be scared to tell them "this is not that serious, I'll call you during business hours." I'm going to start to tell some disrespectful taxpayers that "Tricks are for kids, silly rabbit!" 

Dec 2, 2013

Things I can learn about taxes from a Newborn child: Part #1

Recently, I finished publishing my first e-book and my second child was born. Now, you know why I have disappeared from the face of the tax blogging world for the last three months. After months of hard work, my book currently sold less than 10 copies. I still believe that my book is the world's funniest tax advice book. Who knows maybe Oprah might discover my book and I will become an instant millionaire. To ease the pain from disappointing book sales, God (and my wife) blessed me with my first daughter. I already have one three-year old son. My daughter was born on November 18th and I already see the world differently. Could it be that my view of taxes change too?

Since, I'm now sleep deprived, it is only right to compare taxes and taxpayers with a newborn. My first lesson is that no matter how hard you try to satisfy a newborn, he or she will still cry in less than two hours. As a tax accountant, I must stop trying to change the world. Let's face it, people will never stop complaining about taxes. I can find many different ways to teach people how to minimize their taxes and two hours later they become too lazy to learn from my lesson. My newborn daughter gets fed and then falls asleep. Two hours later, my daughter acts like nothing happened before she fell asleep! I can't sleep-train a newborn and I can't force a taxpayer to listen to my advice!

Just like newborns, taxpayers only listen to what they want to hear. It is so easy to hate the IRS but it is these corrupt politicians that make the tax laws. Any time I tell people about this fact, they look at me like I'm retarded. They want me to bash and talk lowly about the IRS. Any parent with a newborn knows that you can't reason with their newborn child. Just like my newborn daughter, I care for my readers but it may be unreasonable to believe that all of them will learn from me. Most taxpayers believe they have grown with age but in reality they are just as bad as newborn baby. Taxpayers hate taxes but don't want to get up and vote! Due to their laziness, we continue to have the same lame politicians year after year. We can't spark a tax revolution by just yelling at a TV! Yelling at Bill O'Reilly will not lower taxes for the middle class. Wake up America!

The truth is sometimes hard to hear or read. As usual, whether right or wrong, I will share my honest opinions about taxes and taxpayers. There will be more lessons about newborns and taxes. Matter of fact, expect a separate series comparing toddlers and taxes. No more Mr. Nice Tax Guy. If you want textbook tax it!

 I'M BACK!!!!

The world funniest tax advice book is available at